1. Never go to bed angry
While the intention behind this belief is positive, the application of it can actually cause some conflict to escalate. When we are tired, we become more irritable and quick to anger. Often times sleep is all that is needed to calm yourself down and regulate your emotions. Next time you are arguing before bed, agree to set it aside and try again in the morning. Remind yourself that the relationship is ok even though there is conflict. A helpful way to acknowledge this is to find some way to still say “I love you” or “I still care about you even though we are fighting” before going to bed. You may find that after getting some sleep you are less upset the next morning and better able to have the conversation.
2. If they cared, they would know what I need/feel
Your partner is not a mind reader, and neither are you. The only way for your partner to know exactly what you need, or are feeling, is for you to tell them! We are each responsible for our own emotions, and for communicating those emotions and needs to our partner. If you need more physical touch in the relationship, ask for it. If you are stressed out and need a break from the kids, ask for it. If you are feeling sad and need some one-on-one time with your partner ask for it. Your partner cannot give you what you need if you do not tell them what that need is.
3. If it’s meant to be, it should be easy
Relationships are hard work! Our society has ingrained in us that love is easy and conquers all. This has done us a huge disservice in our understanding of a healthy relationship and our ability to have a healthy relationship. We have to put work and effort into most things in our lives - careers, kids, working out, eating healthy, financial planning, etc - so why would relationships be any different? Try thinking about relationships as one of the most important investments in your life (we are social creatures and all need to be in relation with others) and begin valuing the work you put into them, instead of resenting it.