Mindful Living

By Karen Focht, MA, LMFT

I’ve noticed that in today’s day and age we often hear language around the concept of Mindfulness.  Even when recently driving in my car I heard an advertisement for health insurance, which focused on creating a “mindful moment” of reflection and awareness. What does this really mean, to be mindful?  What does it mean to incorporate mindfulness into our daily lives and self-care?

I recently attended a two-day workshop on Mindfulness led by Ronald D. Siege, PsyD, and quickly found myself challenged to the core.  The concepts of mindfulness that were taught during this workshop included seeing and accepting things as they are, experiencing the “richness” of the moment and freeing ourselves from having to “act skillfully”.  On the other hand, the training emphasized that mindfulness practice is not having a blank mind, detaching from our emotions, escaping pain and withdrawing from our life and reality. 

On the first day of training, Ronald Siege led a guided meditation that lasted hours.  Ok, to be totally honest it was about 30 minutes, but I found myself completely challenged through this process.  Why was it so hard to stay present in the moment?  Why did it feel like this exercise took hours rather than minutes?  Our brains are conditioned to continuously process thoughts that can often be distracting to our emotional process.  This is often how we cope to distract from anxious or painful thoughts and emotions.

As I sat in the midst of this mindfulness experiment, I found myself criticizing my inability to stay focused on the here and now.  My mind quickly drifted from my breath (where my focus was suppose to be) to my endless list of to do’s that were not being concurred due to attending a 2 day training.   The instructor immediately introduced the concept of “acceptance and loving-kindness”.  As I sat in self-criticism, I experienced tremendous validation in the idea that a wondering mind was expected, and that in these moments we can "gently and lovingly" guide ourselves back to letting it all go.  During this particular exercise the primary focus was on our breathing process. I can’t tell you how many times I had to lead myself back to my breath.  It felt like every 10 seconds or so!  Although it wasn’t a natural process for me personally, I gained so much insight into how easily I can distract myself from difficult thoughts and feelings along with the criticism attached to these feelings.  

Since completing this training I have found myself working harder to adopt the concepts of mindfulness practice in my day to day life.  It’s never easy, nor perfect, but it has created a new gentle and loving tone within.  Please take a moment to check out these resources on Mindfulness that include guided meditations. Give them a try and allow yourself to practice embracing the moment and providing self-compassion and acceptace. 

Resources on Mindfulness

http://www.mindfulness-solution.com/DownloadMeditations.html

http://www.sittingtogether.com/meditations.php

http://themindfulnessapp.com/

https://www.headspace.com/

Less Is More

REAL SIMPLE JANUARY 2017

As we are in the midst of the holiday season, I find myself engaging in more and more conversations, both personally and professionally, around the reality of burn out.  With obligations, tasks and even party attendance, it seems to become harder and harder to keep up each year.  So why is it we take on so much year after year?  Does saying no have to come along with an aftermath of guilt, embarrassment and a label of being insensitive to others feelings and needs? 

As I was preparing my reflection on this very topic, my office received the latest subscription to Real Simple Magazine.  I couldn’t help but smile when I saw the January 2017 cover; “Say Yes to Saying No:  Find more time for the things you love”.  The article mentions how we are socialized to feel responsible for the feelings and well-being of those around us. As we continue to say yes to more and more, we lose site of our own needs and in return are left feeling resentment, depletion and burnout.  Melissa McCreery, Ph.D., a psychologist, provides some great direction stating “Pay yourself first.  Self-care is what allows you to show up and say your yeses later”.  The article then goes into some great tips on how to say now well. 

                  1.     Start Small:  Even if it is declining a store credit card.

2.     Have a go-to phrase:  A simple “Thanks for thinking of me.  I have other commitments” will go a far way.

3.     Take a pause:  Think your decision through and if your not sure take some time and get back with them.

4.     Try “yes, no, yes”:  YES to the relationship, NO to the request, YES to offering an alternative.

5.     Keep it Brief:  Be direct and brief which will create less loopholes coming back at you.

6.     Don’t White-Lie:  There isn’t a need to be specific in reasoning or excuse.

For more information, check out these resources.  Our hope is that by saying yes to less you will find more fulfillment and joy through the season.  Happy Holiday’s from the Focht Family Practice Team!

-       http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/keep-holiday-stress-minimum-learn-say-no

-       https://www.womenshealth.gov/blog/no-holiday-stress.html

-       http://www.huffingtonpost.com/greater-good-science-center/5-research-based-ways-to-say-no-during-the-holidays_b_8649384.html

The Power of Reminiscing

The Short north, columbus ohio

I recently returned to Columbus Ohio where I had spent three years of my life post college.  During these early twenty-something years, I can look back to some amazing memories, tough challenges, relationship building and self discovery.  Columbus was where I started the beginning stages of my career, built a strong support system of close friends and met my husband.  It was where I first experienced full independence and allowed myself to dream big and push through fear of failure and change.

As I drove through the city with my closest girlfriend Jaime, we found ourselves completely emerged in our memories of that exciting and terrifying time.  Not only did we reflect on our memories, but we also shared new awareness of the present as it is connected to our past. 

Research shows that reminiscing can be a very valuable tool towards healing and growth.  John Kunz, founder of the International Institute of Reminiscence and Life Review states “each time an individual tells part of his/her life story, those who listen are like a mirror, reflecting and affirming their lives.”  This experience of nostalgia does have its painful side, yet research continues to show that by reminiscing, life can seem more meaningful and death less freighting.  It can counteract loneliness, boredom and anxiety.

So the next time you find yourself with this opportunity of reminiscing remember that this experience strengthens relationships, creates more meaning in life, increases feelings of contentment and links our past to the present.  

Quality not Quantity

By Karen Focht, MA, LMFT

Creating family balance can be challenging in today’s world and it often leaves us feeling as if we don’t have much time to really invest in the quality things that we love.  Creating experiences within our relationships is a valuable and powerful force.  If you find yourself struggling with pressure of lacking time, try to focus less on quantity and more on quality. 

As summer is quickly approaching an end, there are still many events and activities remaining in Chicago. One of our favorite things to do as a family is to attend the Jay Pritzker Pavilion summer concert series.  There is nothing better than starting your week with a picnic in the park together as a family.  Not only is there amazing music preformed with a stunning background view of the city, but it’s also free!  In the midst of busy schedules, I have always found it to be so worthwhile to invest this time together as a family.  So get out there and have some fun with these last remaining summer nights in Chicago!  Here are a few remaining concerts presented by Millennium Park. 

Millennium Park Summer Music Series

-       August 18th at 6:30pm Elephant Revival + Mandolin Orange

-       August 25th at 6:30pm Tortoise + Homme

Millennium Park Presents

-       August 27th at 7:30pm Chicago Dancing Festival:  Dancing Under the Stars

-       August 28th at 6:30pm Lang Lang International Music Foundation

-       September 9th at 7:30pm Stars of Lyric Opera presented by Lyric Opera of Chicago

For additional information go to: http://www.cityofchicago.org/city/en/depts/dca/supp_info/millennium_park_-upcomingevents.html