The Science of Self-Compassion Over Self-Criticism

By Anne DeCore, AMFT

Clients are often skeptical when I suggest that choosing to cultivate and listen to an inner voice of self-compassion will move them closer to their goals. They are especially skeptical when I tell them that this is proven to work much better than listening to their harsh inner self-critic.

I fully understand their reaction. Their skepticism surfaces because what I am telling them feels counter-intuitive. Logic tells us that if we push ourselves, we’ll work harder. If we’re kind to ourselves, clients ask me “won’t I get lazy?”

Thankfully we have research to answer this question for us. Research shows us that self-criticism undermines motivation. Here’s why.

We have a reptilian brain that evolved to keep us safe from threats. When we criticize ourselves we activate our body’s fight or flight response system. This means our bodies become flooded with the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline to ready us for action against a threat. Someone who is constantly judging and criticizing themself experiences high levels of stress. At a certain point it becomes too much: the body and brain have to shut down. This shut down is depression. And depression is not a motivational state of mind. We become the attacker and the attacked all in one.

Thankfully, we are also mammals. And a key feature of being a mammal is the early attachment between mother and infant that creates a safe nurturing environment to grow. Our bodies and brains are programmed to respond to warmth, gentle touch, and soft vocalizations. When we give ourselves compassion, we activate the mammalian caregiver system which releases feel-good hormones oxytocin and opiates. When we give ourselves compassion we reduce our cortisol levels. And, when we feel safe and comforted, we are in our optimal mind state to do our best.

References:

Ted Talk “The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion” by Kristen Neff

“Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Kristin Neff (Harper Collins, 2011)

“Good Morning I Love You” by Shauna Shapiro (Sounds True Press, 2020)