The Dread of Valentine’s Season

By Nicole Marino, AMFT

With February here, this time of year can bring on a mix of emotions for many different people especially when it comes to Valentine’s Day. It can be a triggering time for many people. Whether you are single or grieving, it can be emotionally challenging with the constant reminder of hearts and love everywhere you go. This February could be an opportunity to look at this month and season of time differently rather than giving it the power to bring down your mood.

At the most basic level, Valentine’s Day is about love. That doesn’t mean it has to be romantic love. Maybe take this month as a self-care and self-love month to focus just on yourself! Or with so many fun Galentine’s ideas, maybe getting together with your friends and focus on the love you have within that support system in your life. Even if you do not have a romantic partner, it doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate and embrace the feeling of the season.

There are so many good ideas when it comes to focusing on self-care such as….

- Cooking yourself dinner and watch your favorite show/movie

- Bake your favorite dessert

- Go for a long walk

- Take yourself on a date (dinner, movie, get out of town, etc.)

- Get yourself some sort of beauty treatment (massage, facial, etc.)

- Paint or draw (lean into your creative side)

- Organize or do some cleaning that maybe you’ve been procrastinating

- Go to a workout class

- Resight some self-affirmations and remind yourself of how amazing you are

Even if you don’t want to be alone, spend some time with friends or family. You can do any of those things with someone else. You can also host a party or get-together with people in your life who need to be reminded that they are also loved. It is such an important time to remind the people in your life why you care about them and feel gratitude for the things and people that you feel lucky to have. Remind yourself of the things you do have in life, while also allowing yourself to feel however you feel. Meet yourself where you are at and listen to what you need. If this month is just something you want to get through and move on from then that is completely okay! Just know that you are not alone even if sometimes it can feel that way.

Not Your Typical Date Night

By Nicole Marino, AMFT

Date nights have always seemed to be such a huge topic discussed for couples when it comes to connecting with one another and spending quality time. I discuss this with my clients all the time and think it is so incredibly important! But I also think there is a misconception that date “nights” need to be dinner and a movie or dinner and drinks, or something having to do with spending money. Sure, that is one way of going about having dates, but it doesn’t always have to be at night, and it doesn’t always have to cost money.

I completely understand that for those who go into the office and work a 9am-5pm job that your schedule is a bit less flexible. You can still come home and spend some time before bed at least once a week with your partner. I also think many couples (specifically those who do work at home) think that living together and being around one another is spending time, but there is a difference between that and spending quality time where you are interacting and sharing an experience.

There are so many free post work activities you can do with a partner such as cooking dinner together, going for a walk, exploring a new area of your town that you don’t usually go to, playing a card/board game, having a movie night in the living room, using the free Gottman Card Decks app and asking each other questions, going to a museum, doing an at-home workout together, and many more! Those are just a few options that don’t cost any money and don’t really take too much time. I understand after work, you might be exhausted and not in the mood to do much, but even doing one of these dates once a week can make such a difference feeling connected and in tune with one another.

For those of you that have more flexibility in your schedule throughout the day and don’t necessarily have a 9-5 job, you can still implement these dates at different times in the day, such as sitting down and having coffee or breakfast together, going for a walk, doing a workout, having a picnic in a different area or even your yard, etc. The book “8 Dates” by John and Julie Gottman is another cheap way to have meaningful and intention dates with your partner, and you’re reading something together as well.

Sometimes you must prioritize one another and find a time that works in your everyday routines. Especially those partners that crave quality time as their love language, this is a need that has to be met to feel loved, cared about, connected, and  listened to, so work as a team to find the time that is best. That may be different given the week, but that’s okay. Be creative! Find activities that the two of you really enjoy together whether that costs money or not but remember if you are trying to save money and are on a budget, dates do not have to be an added expense to worry about. There are so many free options and fun things you can do, especially when trying to take advantage of the weather while it is nice out!