Five to One

I often find myself focusing on the theme of positivity with most of the clients I work with.  Early on in my training, I learned of John Gottman, a well-known professor who has devoted much of his life towards relational research, scientific direct observations and creating influential literature. 

Through Gottman’s research, he identified his “magic ratio” of positives VS negatives within a relationship.  Gottman states “as long as there are five times as many positive interactions between partners as there are negative, the relationship is likely to be stable”.  This really struck me, as it is very easy to get pulled down in negativity.  I also find that we operate from a platform of assumption.  For example, as I explore positivity and appreciation within relationships I often hear responses such as “he or she knows these things, I don’t need to say them out loud”.  Even a simple shift in directly expressing these ideas can create much positive change.

As I share this information with clients, I am encouraged and inspired to see dedicated commitment to the focus of positives.  So the next time you find your relationship or communication in a place of negativity remember the “magic ratio”.  Five to one!

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