Why You Feel Drained, Even After Doing Nothing

By Olivia Grossklaus, amft

Have you ever had a day where you didn’t do much, yet still ended it feeling completely

exhausted? It can be confusing and even frustrating. If you weren’t physically busy, why do you

feel so drained?

The answer is often that rest isn’t just about what you do with your body but also about

what’s happening in your mind and nervous system.

Mental and emotional load plays a huge role in fatigue. Even when you’re sitting still, your brain

may be working overtime: replaying conversations, worrying about the future, managing stress,

or staying constantly alert. This kind of background mental activity can be just as tiring as

physical work, if not more so.

Another factor is chronic stress. When your body spends long periods in “fight or flight” mode,

it uses a lot of energy. Over time, this can leave you feeling worn down, foggy, or heavy,

regardless of how productive your day looks on the surface. You might not feel stressed in an

obvious way, but your nervous system hasn’t fully relaxed.

There’s also a difference between passive rest and restorative rest. Scrolling on your phone,

binge-watching shows, or zoning out can feel like rest, but they don’t always allow your mind or

body to truly reset. In some cases, they add more stimulation instead of relieving it.

Feeling drained can also be a sign that you’re emotionally carrying a lot, such as responsibilities,

expectations, unprocessed feelings, or the pressure to “hold it together.” Emotional energy is real,

and when it’s depleted, your body notices.

If this resonates, it doesn’t mean you’re lazy or broken. It means you might need a different kind

of rest: quiet, boundaries, movement, time outside, or moments where you’re not performing or

consuming anything at all.

Sometimes, doing “nothing” isn’t enough. Your system needs safety, softness, and space, and

listening to that need is a form of care.

The Month That Asks Nothing of You

By Anne Decore, lmft

January often gets a bad rap. It’s described as cold, gray, and anticlimactic — the month after the sparkle, when the holidays are over and the energy drops. Culturally, we tend to frame it as something to push through or fix with resolutions and productivity. But what if that reading misses something important?

What January uniquely offers is pause.

Unlike much of the calendar year, January is relatively free of major cultural obligations. There are fewer gatherings, fewer expectations to perform or produce, fewer milestones demanding our attention. In a world that usually pulls us relentlessly outward — from one task to the next, one role to the next — January quietly creates space to turn inward.

From a therapeutic perspective, this matters. So much of our distress comes not only from what we’re carrying, but from how little time we have to process it. We move through experiences without metabolizing them — grief, joy, disappointment, love — stacking them one on top of another. January offers a rare opportunity to slow the pace enough to notice what’s actually happening inside us.

This isn’t a call for New Year’s resolutions. In fact, it’s an invitation to release that pressure altogether. January doesn’t need to be about fixing yourself, optimizing your life, or setting goals for results. It can be about presence — about standing still long enough to ask gentler, more meaningful questions.

What feels important to me right now?

What have I been rushing past without noticing?

What do I want to tend to within my inner life?

In slowing down, we loosen the grip of externally driven priorities and begin to listen more carefully to what feels meaningful and deserving of our energy. From this place of stillness, we can see more clearly how much of our lives are organized by momentum and expectation, and we can begin to reorder our priorities in ways that feel aligned, sustainable, and intentional.

January is a gift precisely because it asks so little of us. It doesn’t demand outcomes. It doesn’t insist on reinvention. It simply offers time — to think, to feel, to notice the world and ourselves from a standstill.

If you find yourself quieter this month, less driven, more contemplative, consider that nothing is wrong. You may simply be using January as it is best served — as a moment to listen, to reflect, and to connect with yourself before the calendar picks up again.

Navigating the Holidays When Someone is Missing

By Caroline Neal, lmft

The holidays bring immense pressure to "be joyful," but when you are grieving, this expectation can collide with your reality. If you are dreading the weeks ahead, please know that your feelings are valid. This season is not about getting over your grief, but about finding practical ways to manage it while navigating the constant reminders of your loss.

Anticipating and Managing Triggers

Grief is intensified by the rituals and traditions of the season. Knowing the common triggers can help you prepare:

Sensory Overload: Be mindful of specific scents, songs, or sights that instantly transport you back to painful memories.

The "Firsts": The first time you experience a key holiday event (dinner, gift exchange) without your loved one will likely be the hardest; be extra gentle with yourself on those days.

Social Pressure: Anticipate difficult questions from well-meaning relatives and have a simple, planned response ready.

Essential Strategies for Self-Protection

Your primary goal is to conserve your emotional energy and practice self-compassion.

Practice the Power of 'No': You don't owe anyone an explanation or your presence. Limit attendance at events or skip painful traditions entirely.

Plan Your Escape Route: Drive yourself so you can leave an event when you need to. Identify a Grief Buddy who knows you might need a brief retreat or a distraction.

Schedule Your Grief: Designate specific time slots each week to intentionally look at photos, cry, or feel sad. This prevents the grief from ambushing you during social events.

Allow Joy Without Guilt: If you laugh or feel a moment of peace, accept it. Joy is not a betrayal of your loved one; it is a necessary emotional reprieve.

Honoring and Remembering

Instead of trying to ignore the absence, create new rituals that actively honor your loved one's memory.

Create a Tribute: Place a candle, a favorite object, or a photo on the table to acknowledge their place and absence.

Share a Memory: Dedicate a few minutes during a gathering for family members to share a short, positive memory of the person who is missing.

Act of Service: Transform sadness into tribute by making a donation or volunteering for a cause your loved one cared about.

Seeking Support

If the emotional weight feels overwhelming, remember that seeking help is a sign of strength. Therapy offers a safe space to process complex emotions and helps you distinguish between normal grief and complicated grief, ensuring you get the support needed to navigate the intensity of the season.

This holiday season, give yourself permission to be exactly where you are.

If you're finding the emotional burden too heavy to carry alone, please reach out to schedule a time to talk.

Understanding Compassion Fatigue

By Nicole marino, amft

As a therapist, I’ve sat across from many individuals whose emotional resilience has been worn thin—not only from their own struggles, but from carrying the pain of others. Caregivers, therapists, teachers, first responders, and parents and spouses can find themselves in a state of exhaustion that feels deeper than burnout. This is compassion fatigue, and it often comes quietly, disguised as irritability, numbness, or a slow withdrawal from the very relationships we value most.

What Is Compassion Fatigue?

Compassion fatigue is a form of emotional and physical exhaustion that results from prolonged exposure to the suffering of others. Unlike burnout, which stems from work-related stress and overcommitment, compassion fatigue is more personal—it strikes when your empathy becomes a source of depletion rather than connection.

In my sessions, I often see this in people who are "helpers" by nature. They pour themselves into so many different areas of life, believing love and dedication should be enough to sustain them. But over time, without proper boundaries and self-care, their capacity for giving empathy begins to dry up.

Signs You Might Be Experiencing Compassion Fatigue

Compassion fatigue can manifest in subtle ways. Some signs I frequently observe include:

• Emotional numbness or detachment

• Chronic fatigue or difficulty sleeping

• A growing sense of helplessness or hopelessness

• Irritability or short-temperedness in close relationships

• Loss of joy in previously fulfilling activities

• Feeling "used up" or overwhelmed by the needs of others

For those in caregiving roles—whether personal or professional—it can feel like there’s no room for their own needs. This is often where relational strain begins to show.

When compassion fatigue goes unaddressed, it affects more than the individual—it ripples through relationships. Spouses may feel distant or disconnected. Children may notice a parent's impatience or withdrawal. Emotional availability becomes harder to maintain when someone is constantly drained.

Healing from Compassion Fatigue

The path to healing starts with recognition. Compassion fatigue is not a weakness—it’s a natural consequence of caring deeply over time without adequate replenishment. Once recognized, there are several steps to begin recovery:

1. Reestablish Boundaries

Learn to say no or delegate. Empathy doesn't mean sacrificing your well-being.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Rest is not indulgent—it's necessary. Engage in activities that restore you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

3. Seek Support

Talk to a therapist or a peer group. Sharing your experience helps break the isolation that often accompanies compassion fatigue.

4. Reignite Connection

Reconnect with loved ones in small, meaningful ways. Even short moments of genuine presence can be healing.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

You're allowed to be tired. You're allowed to need care, too.

If you recognize yourself in this post, please know that you're not alone. Compassion fatigue doesn't mean you're broken—it means you're human. You have limits, and honoring those limits is one of the most compassionate things you can do—not just for yourself, but for those you love and serve.

I believe that empathy is one of our greatest strengths. But like any strength, it must be nurtured, balanced, and protected. Give yourself permission to rest. In doing so, you’ll find you have more to give—not less.

Breakups & the Brain: Why Heartache Feels Like Withdrawal

By Anne Decore, lmft

If you've ever felt like a breakup knocked the wind out of you—physically, emotionally, and mentally—you're not imagining it. Neuroscience shows that romantic love, especially in its intense stages, activates the same brain pathways as addiction. So when a relationship ends, our brains can go into a kind of withdrawal, eerily similar to what someone might experience coming off a drug.

Love as a Neurochemical High

Studies using fMRI brain scans, such as those by Dr. Helen Fisher at Rutgers University, have found that romantic love activates the brain's reward system—especially areas rich in dopamine, like the ventral tegmental area (VTA) and nucleus accumbens. These are the same regions that light up in response to substances like cocaine or nicotine.

When love is lost, those same brain circuits crash. In a 2010 study published in the Journal of Neurophysiology, Fisher and her colleagues found that people who had recently been dumped showed increased activity in areas of the brain associated with craving and addiction. The brain keeps expecting another “hit” of the loved one, even when they're gone.

Why It Hurts So Much

Beyond dopamine, other neurochemicals like oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and vasopressin are also involved in forming deep attachments. When these are suddenly absent, the brain’s equilibrium is disrupted. This can lead to physical symptoms—insomnia, loss of appetite, anxiety—and a strong urge to reconnect, even when the relationship was unhealthy.

In short: your brain is not just being dramatic. It’s going through something real. Knowing this can help us normalize the depth of distress after a breakup—and plan for recovery with intention. Here are a few therapist-recommended strategies to support your brain during a breakup.

1. Practice Dopamine Hygiene

Engage in activities that naturally boost dopamine: physical movement, especially cardio; small creative tasks; sunlight; and connection with safe people. Avoid excessive scrolling, substances, or other "quick fix" behaviors that may worsen the crash long-term.

2. Lean on Routines

Structure and routine are grounding to a dysregulated brain. Eat nourishing meals, hydrate, sleep consistently, and create rhythms to your day—even when you don't feel like it.

3. Limit Contact (Even Digitally)

Staying in contact with an ex—through texting, social media, or even old photos—can prolong the withdrawal cycle. Creating distance allows the brain to begin rewiring and rebalancing.

4. Reach for Co-Regulation

We are wired to heal in connection. Spend time with friends who can tolerate your grief without needing to fix it. Even gentle presence—watching a movie together or going for a walk—helps calm the nervous system.

5. Name the Process

Clients often feel ashamed of how "obsessed" or "irrational" they feel. But once we understand that the brain is going through a form of withdrawal, we can offer ourselves more compassion. Labeling it as such can reduce shame and increase agency.

Bottom line? Breakup pain is not a weakness—it’s a neurochemical process. With care, patience, and good support, the brain can heal. And in time, it can even love again.

If you're navigating the emotional aftermath of a breakup, therapy can offer a space to understand your brain and heart—and support both in healing.

How to Support Your Pregnant Partner: A Couples Therapist’s Perspective

By Anne decore lmft

Pregnancy is a transformative journey, not just for the expecting parent but also for their partner. The physical, emotional, and mental changes that occur during this time can create new challenges and opportunities for couples to connect. As a couple’s therapist, I often see how intentional acts of support from the non-pregnant partner can strengthen the bond between partners and create a more positive pregnancy experience. Viewing the pregnancy as a shared effort, even though one person is technically growing the baby, is a simple but powerful reframe that serves to unite couples in the transition to parenthood.

Communication, as always, is key. Your pregnant partner is experiencing a whirlwind of hormonal changes, physical discomfort, and sometimes anxiety about the future. Open and honest conversations about how they’re feeling and what they need can make a world of difference. Don’t wait for your partner to ask for help—proactively check in with them, ask how you can assist, and listen attentively without jumping to fix things unless they ask. Small acts of acknowledgment, like thanking them for what their body is going through or affirming their strength, can make them feel seen and appreciated.

Additionally, take practical steps to lighten their load. Pregnancy often comes with fatigue, nausea, or other physical discomforts that make everyday tasks more challenging. Offer to take on more household chores, run errands, or prepare meals. Accompany them to medical appointments to show your involvement and support. Learning about pregnancy, labor, and postpartum care together can also build a sense of teamwork. Perhaps most importantly, make space for emotional connection. A kind word, a gentle touch, or just being present during moments of vulnerability can reinforce that you are in this together. Pregnancy is a shared journey, and when you show up as a compassionate and engaged partner, you lay the foundation for a stronger relationship and a thriving family.

Prioritizing Your Mental Health During the Holidays

By Nicole marino, amft

As we enter the winter months and into the holiday season, it is so important to make sure you are checking in with yourself around your mental well-being. The holiday season can evoke a wide range of emotions for people. While some look forward to celebrations, gatherings, and festive traditions, others may feel overwhelmed, anxious, or even lonely. It’s important to recognize that mental health is just as crucial during this time as it is any other, potentially even more so. Here are some strategies to help manage your mental health during the holidays.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

It’s so important to acknowledge and sit in the emotions that come up for you during the holidays, even the more “negative” emotions. It's normal to experience a mix of joy and stress. Journaling, talking to someone you trust, or meditating can be helpful ways to process emotions and identify what’s weighing on your mind.

Set Realistic Expectations

Holidays often come with high expectations, whether it’s creating the perfect get-together, finding the ideal gifts, or maintaining traditions. Try to set realistic goals and be flexible with yourself and your situations. Remember that it’s okay for things to not be perfect (they’re not meant to be!). Simplifying your plans can lead to a more enjoyable and less stressful experience.

Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care is essential, especially during busy times. Carve out moments for yourself, whether that means enjoying a good book, going for a walk, or participating in your favorite hobby. Make a conscious effort to engage in activities that recharge your energy and bring you joy.

Reach Out for Support

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Talk to friends or family (anyone you trust) about how you’re feeling or consider seeking professional help if needed. Sometimes, simply sharing your thoughts can lighten the pressure and emotional burden. Remember, you’re not alone in this experience and others can relate!

Create New Traditions

If certain traditions are a source of stress or sadness, consider creating new ones. This can be an opportunity to adapt your celebrations to better fit your current feelings and circumstances. Finding what works for you can foster a sense of new beginnings.

Limit Social Media Exposure

Social media can amplify comparison. It’s easy to get caught up in the seemingly perfect lives of others. If you find yourself feeling down after scrolling, consider taking a break from social media during the holidays. Focus instead on real-life interactions and experiences. Focus on the things going on in your life that you are grateful for.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be a strong tool during the holidays. Taking a few moments each day to practice deep breathing, meditation, or grounding techniques can help reduce stress and increase your overall well-being. Being present in the moment allows you to appreciate the little joys that the season brings.

Give Back

Engaging in acts of kindness or giving back to the community can provide a sense of purpose and connection. Volunteering your time or resources can remind you of the positive impact you can have on others!

While this season of time can bring a lot of joy and happiness, it can also take a toll on your mental health. By using these tips and reminders, you can better navigate the season ahead and know what is going to be best for you and your emotions. Ultimately, your mental health is the priority so the holidays can look however you want them to!

Falling Into Wellness: Navigating Mental Health This Autumn

By Olivia grossklaus, AMFT

As the leaves change and the air turns chilly, fall brings a blend of beauty and challenges. While many welcome the change of season from hot summer days to cozy autumn mornings, the shift in seasons can also have a profound impact on all of our mental well-being. Understanding these dynamics and embracing healthy habits can help all us navigate this transitional period with resilience and joy. Here’s how to prioritize your mental well-being this fall.

Embrace the Change, Both Inside and Out

Fall represents a transition, in weather and in life. Embrace this change as an opportunity for growth. Reflect on what this season means for you and how you can set new intentions. This could involve starting a new hobby, focusing on personal goals, or simply adopting a more mindful approach to your daily routine.

Despite the cooler temperatures, spending time outdoors can significantly boost your mood. The beautiful fall foliage and crisp air provide a refreshing backdrop for walks, hikes, or picnics. Nature has a calming effect, and exposure to natural light can help combat feelings of sadness. Aim for at least 20-30 minutes outside each day to reap the mental health benefits.

Acknowledge Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

For some, the onset of fall marks the beginning of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a type of depression that occurs at specific times of the year. The reduced sunlight can lead to feelings of sadness, lethargy, and isolation. If you notice these symptoms, know you’re not alone. It’s crucial to seek support, whether through therapy, support groups, or connecting with loved ones who may understand your experiences, or are just there to listen.

Maintain a Routine

As summer fades, many people experience disruptions in their schedules. Establishing a consistent daily routine can provide a sense of stability and predictability. Include time for self-care, work, social activities, and relaxation. A well-structured routine helps to manage stress and keeps you grounded during seasonal transitions.

Stay Connected

As the days get shorter, it’s easy to retreat into solitude. However, staying connected with friends and loved ones is essential for mental health. Schedule regular catch-ups, whether in person or virtually, and engage in group activities. Sharing experiences and feelings with others can provide comfort and support, making the transition into fall much easier. It is also important to stay connected with yourself and your needs during this transition. Journaling or scheduling in some quiet time throughout the day is a great way to do this.

Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude

The fall season invites us to slow down and reflect. Incorporate mindfulness practices into your routine, such as meditation, journaling, body scans, or yoga. These activities can help ground you in the present moment and reduce anxiety. Additionally, cultivate gratitude by taking time each day to acknowledge the things you appreciate, from the beauty of the changing leaves to the warmth of your favorite sweater.

Prepare for Winter

As fall progresses, it’s wise to prepare for the winter months ahead. Consider strategies to boost your mood during the darker days, such as investing in a light therapy box, planning winter activities, or scheduling regular check-ins with a therapist. Having a plan in place can provide reassurance and help you feel more in control.

While the fall season can present challenges to mental health, it also offers a chance for renewal and reflection. By acknowledging your feelings, prioritizing self-care, and staying connected with others and yourself, you can navigate this transition with grace. Embrace the beauty of the season, and remember that it is always okay to seek help if and when you need it.

Social Media Comparison Burnout

By Megan allcock, LMFT

It seems these days that social media is somewhat unavoidable. We use it to connect with friends and family, share photos and updates, and promote our businesses, etc. However, with the rise of social media has also come the rise of comparison burnout. 

Comparison burnout is the feeling of inadequacy or self-doubt that comes from constantly comparing yourself to others. Whether it's comparing your looks, career, relationships, or even your travel experiences, social media has a way of making us feel like we are never doing enough or living up to the idealized versions of others' lives that we see online.

One of the main reasons for comparison burnout on social media is the curated and filtered nature of the content that we see. It’s important to remember that people tend to only post their highlight reels of their lives - the vacations, the promotions, the romantic dates, without showing the struggles and hardships that they may be facing behind the scenes. This creates a false sense of reality and sets unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others. 

Another challenge that contributes to comparison burnout is the constant need for validation through social media. We have a tendency to measure our self-worth by the number of likes and comments we receive on a post, instead of internal validation or celebration from close friends and family. 

So, how can we combat comparison burnout on social media? 

1. Awareness: the first step is to be aware and frequently reminded that social media is truly a highlight reel curated with the best moments. It is rarely, if ever, an accurate portrayal of someone’s life. 

2. Limit screen time: try your best to be mindful of how much time you spend online. Notice how you feel when you’re not scrolling, versus when you’re interacting with people in real life. 

3. Increase self-esteem: practice improving your self compassion and view of self. Try to remind yourself that you are good enough just the way you are and your worth is not related to the number of likes, followers, and comments you receive. Focus on the aspects of yourself that you love regardless of them showcased on social media. 

Comparison burnout on social media is something I see everyday as a therapist. The rise in social media usage has only increased this level of comparison that is impacting people’s mental wellness.. By being mindful of the curated nature of social media content, limiting our time online, and practicing self-compassion, we can create a healthier relationship with social media. Remember, you are more than your social media, and your worth is not defined by likes or followers.

Taking A Pause

By Jessy Weston, AMFT

Communication is at the heart of every healthy relationship, but there are times when conversations become challenging or heated. During these moments, it's crucial to know how to take a pause as a couple. Pausing allows both partners to step back, calm down, and approach the conversation with more clarity and understanding. Here's some guidance on how you can effectively take a pause when discussing something difficult:

1. Recognize the signs: Pay attention to your body and emotions. If you notice tension rising, increased heart rate, or a feeling of being overwhelmed, it might be time to take a break.

2. Agree on a signal: Before starting a conversation, agree on a signal that either partner can use to call for a pause. This could be a specific word or gesture that indicates the need to take a break.

3. Express respect: When calling for a pause, express your respect for your partner and your commitment to continuing the conversation later. For example, "I respect you, and I want us to continue this conversation when we're both calmer."

4. Set a time to resume: Agree on a specific time to resume the conversation. This gives both partners time to reflect on their thoughts and feelings and approach the conversation with a clearer perspective.

5. Take time to self-soothe: Use the pause to engage in activities that help you relax and calm down. This could include deep breathing, going for a walk, or listening to calming music.

6. Practice active listening: When you resume the conversation, practice active listening. Show empathy and understanding towards your partner's perspective, even if you disagree.

7. Seek support: If you find that difficult conversations frequently escalate, consider seeking outside support. A therapist can help you develop healthy communication strategies and navigate challenging conversations more productively.

Taking a pause during a difficult conversation can prevent misunderstandings, reduce conflict, and strengthen your relationship. It's a powerful tool that allows both partners to communicate more effectively and resolve conflicts in a constructive manner.

10 Ways To Practice Mindfulness This Winter Season

By Bree Minger, AMFT

The winter tends to feel like a whirlwind. The holidays start in November and keep us busy all the way to January when we decide to test ourselves with New Year’s resolutions. After that tends to peter off then comes the Super Bowl and Valentine’s Day. Many of these celebrations may induce anxious or depressive feelings about one’s relationships with family, romantic partners or singleness. Additionally, this season can lead to many celebrations which often include heavier drinking or substance use. During this time of year, it is too easy to get caught up in hurry or expectations of status leaving many of us feeling drained or overwhelmed. 

Alternatively, winter can be a very fruitful time of rest. A period of hibernation to reflect and prepare for the next season to come– whether that be a new relationship, a new season of singleness, learning how to manage anxiety or depression or simply the shift to spring weather. Through all of these changes and challenges, one can practice rest through mindfulness. Mindfulness is proven to decrease feelings of anxiety, depression, pain, stress, insomnia and high blood pressure. Overall mindfulness can be practiced in many ways, as long as the body and brain are slowing down to pay attention to one’s senses and experience. 

Here are 10 ways to be practice mindfulness for the remainder of the winter season: 

1. Find joy in simple pleasures. Whether reading a book or watching the snowfall, try to slow down the moment and notice the beauty or tranquility. Breathe in the peace and breathe out any distractions from that present moment. 

2. Mindful eating can help slow your thoughts, emotions and prolong the enjoyment of the meal. Next time you eat your favorite snack or food, focus on each bite, relishing in the flavors you taste or the food’s texture. 

3. Breathing is very powerful when it comes to slowing our bodies down. Paying attention to exhales in particular can regulate our nervous system rapidly. Even apps on smart watches can aid in practicing deep breathing for just 1 to 2 minutes a day. 

4. Body scans can be helpful to notice sensations and connect these to emotions you may be experiencing. Body scans can be incorporated into therapy, or helpful guides can be found on youtube or elsewhere online. 

5. Slow down daily moments. From making your bed, to brushing your teeth, to showering there are many opportunities to set intentions for the day. Perhaps choose a daily moment to focus on what you may need that day, or how you can show up for someone else. Use the time to set a small daily goal that is achievable. 

6. Practicing gratitude can be an effective way to reflect on the day. Either at the end of the work day or while getting ready for bed reflect on one part of your day that stood out or one person for whom you are grateful. 

7. Progressive muscle relaxation can be an entry level meditation if mindfulness is uncomfortable. Again, a meditation like this can be incorporated into therapy sessions or guides are easily found online. 

8. Walking meditations reap several benefits because they incorporate physical activity and slowing down in the moment. Go for at least a 10 minute walk and notice the feeling of your footsteps and the shift of your body weight.

9. Engaging in art or creativity is also a very beneficial way to practice mindfulness. From painting to woodworking, using one’s hands to create is very helpful. 

10. Massage therapy is another mindful practice that connects the body and the brain. Releasing tension through massages comes from the release of endorphins allowing the body to fully relax and feel sensations of calm. 

SOURCES

The Dread of Valentine’s Season

By Nicole Marino, AMFT

With February here, this time of year can bring on a mix of emotions for many different people especially when it comes to Valentine’s Day. It can be a triggering time for many people. Whether you are single or grieving, it can be emotionally challenging with the constant reminder of hearts and love everywhere you go. This February could be an opportunity to look at this month and season of time differently rather than giving it the power to bring down your mood.

At the most basic level, Valentine’s Day is about love. That doesn’t mean it has to be romantic love. Maybe take this month as a self-care and self-love month to focus just on yourself! Or with so many fun Galentine’s ideas, maybe getting together with your friends and focus on the love you have within that support system in your life. Even if you do not have a romantic partner, it doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate and embrace the feeling of the season.

There are so many good ideas when it comes to focusing on self-care such as….

- Cooking yourself dinner and watch your favorite show/movie

- Bake your favorite dessert

- Go for a long walk

- Take yourself on a date (dinner, movie, get out of town, etc.)

- Get yourself some sort of beauty treatment (massage, facial, etc.)

- Paint or draw (lean into your creative side)

- Organize or do some cleaning that maybe you’ve been procrastinating

- Go to a workout class

- Resight some self-affirmations and remind yourself of how amazing you are

Even if you don’t want to be alone, spend some time with friends or family. You can do any of those things with someone else. You can also host a party or get-together with people in your life who need to be reminded that they are also loved. It is such an important time to remind the people in your life why you care about them and feel gratitude for the things and people that you feel lucky to have. Remind yourself of the things you do have in life, while also allowing yourself to feel however you feel. Meet yourself where you are at and listen to what you need. If this month is just something you want to get through and move on from then that is completely okay! Just know that you are not alone even if sometimes it can feel that way.

Honoring Veterans Mental Health

By Bree Minger, amft

This month we pause to recognize, honor and thank Veterans, active duty service members, and reserve members this Veteran’s Day. Often, many do not realize the depth in which service significantly impacts Veteran’s lifestyles, families, and mental health. In 2020, there were 6,146 Veteran deaths by suicide (2022 National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report). This jarring number is one that the VA is on a mission to lower. Thankfully, mental health has become a greater focus for Veterans and their families in recent years. 

Are you a Veteran or active duty member struggling? We thank you and there is hope. 

The VA has many mental health resources for different topics such as anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, traumatic brain injuries, military sexual trauma, PTSD, schizophrenia, substance abuse, tobacco use, suicide prevention, the transition after returning from deployment, women, LGBTQ+, seniors and family or friends. 

For many years within the military, mental health has been stigmatized for how it may impact a service member’s career. This is changing. Military One Source offers free and confidential counseling to service members and their families. 

There are also many resources available from Military One Source including webinars, podcasts and apps designed for service members, spouses and children. 

Local to Chicago and looking for a resource? Chicago Veterans provides a strong social support system for Veterans and their families transitioning from service. 

Do you know a Veteran, active duty service member or a family member of a service member? Here’s how you may make a difference. 

Reach out this month to thank them and check in to see how they are doing. Ask if there is any way you can help such as driving children to school, driving to doctor appointments, raking leaves, shoveling snow, running errands or making a meal.

Consider supporting a Veteran-owned business. 

Find a volunteer or donation opportunity that honors or supports Veterans such as ride programs, service dog training, food banks or shelters.

https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/

https://www.militaryonesource.mil/health-wellness/mental-health/mental-health-matters-in-the-military/

https://chicagovets.org/

Navigating the Maze: Understanding High Functioning Anxiety

By Megan Allcock, AMFT

Anxiety is a common mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. While it manifests differently in each individual, there is an unofficial subtype often labeled as High Functioning Anxiety. So what is that exactly?

High functioning anxiety is not an officially recognized mental health diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Instead, it's a term used to describe individuals who outwardly appear to have their lives together while silently battling persistent anxiety beneath the surface.

Some of the key characteristics of High Functioning Anxiety include:

• Perfectionism: Setting impossibly high standards for themselves, striving for flawlessness in every aspect of their lives.

• Overthinking: Constant overthinking and ruminating about past events or future scenarios.

• Procrastination: Ironically, some individuals with high functioning anxiety may procrastinate tasks due to the fear of not meeting their own high standards.

• Constant Worry: Excessive worrying, even about trivial matters, is common as well.

• Difficulty Relaxing: People with high functioning anxiety may find it challenging to relax or "switch off," always feeling the need to be productive or busy.

• Physical Symptoms: While not always present, physical symptoms like muscle tension, restlessness, and gastrointestinal issues are common too.

So how is it different from typical anxiety? The main difference between high functioning anxiety and typical anxiety is the ability to maintain a presence of “normal”. High functioning anxiety often goes unnoticed because individuals suffering from it have developed coping mechanisms to navigate daily life effectively. They may excel at work, maintain social relationships, and fulfill responsibilities, all while concealing their inner stress and anxiety. 

If you think you might suffer from this, here are some tips to help manage it better. 

• Self-awareness: Recognizing and accepting that you have high functioning anxiety is crucial. Understand that it's okay and often necessary to seek help and support.

• Therapy: A therapist can provide tools and strategies to cope with anxiety symptoms as well as navigate some of the underlying causes for your anxiety.

• Medication: Medication prescribed by a healthcare professional may be necessary and very helpful to alleviate anxiety symptoms - usually in conjunction with talk therapy.

• Self-care: Prioritize self-care activities such as regular exercise, adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and relaxation techniques as often as possible.

• Set realistic goals: Challenge the need for perfectionism and set achievable, reasonable goals for yourself. Practice self-compassion.

• Establish boundaries: Learn to say no when necessary. Setting healthy boundaries can prevent overcommitting and feeling overwhelmed.

• Seek support: Share your feelings with trusted friends or family members. Often, simply talking about your anxiety can provide some relief.

Guiding Yourself: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

By Jessy Weston, AMFT

In the midst of life's hustle and bustle, finding moments of calm can feel like an elusive quest. I often find myself sitting with clients who are struggling to navigate stress and anxiety in their lives and are unsure of how to slow down. In those moments, I find it can be helpful to practice a mindfulness exercise together. One of my favorite mindfulness techniques is progressive muscle relaxation.

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is a relaxation technique based on the concept that physical tension and mental stress are closely connected. Developed by American physician Edmund Jacobson in the early 20th century, PMR aims to reduce both physical and mental stress by systematically tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups in the body.

The theory behind PMR is rooted in the idea that when we consciously tense and then release muscle groups, we become more aware of the physical sensations associated with tension and relaxation. This heightened awareness allows us to recognize and differentiate between states of tension and relaxation more effectively. By repeatedly practicing PMR, we can learn to identify when we are holding tension in our bodies, even in day-to-day situations. Over time, PMR can lead to reduced muscle tension, decreased anxiety, improved sleep, and an overall sense of calm and well-being.

Step 1: Find a Quiet Space

Choose a peaceful environment where you won't be disturbed. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position, and close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing so.

Step 2: Focus on Your Breath

Take a few slow, deep breaths to ground yourself. Inhale through your nose, feeling your lungs and belly expand, and then exhale slowly through your mouth, releasing any tension.

Step 3: Tense and Release

Begin with your toes. As you inhale, curl your toes tightly, feeling the tension in your foot. Hold for a few seconds, then exhale as you release the tension. Notice the difference between tension and relaxation.

Step 4: Move Up the Body

Continue this process, moving progressively up your body. Focus on each muscle group for 5-10 seconds before releasing:

• Calves and shins

• Thighs

• Abdomen

• Chest and back

• Shoulders

• Arms and hands

• Neck and throat

• Face (forehead, eyes, cheeks, jaw)

Step 5: Embrace Sensations

As you work through each muscle group, pay attention to the sensations. Notice how tension feels different from relaxation. Notice the soothing sensation of letting go.

Step 6: Slowly Return

When you're ready, gently bring your awareness back to the present moment. Wiggle your fingers and toes, stretch your body, and open your eyes if they were closed.

Embracing the Both/And Mindset: Letting Go of the Either/Or Perspective

By Jeessy Weston, amft

As a therapist, one of the most common mental hurdles I observe among clients is the dichotomous trap of either/or thinking. We are often inclined to categorize life into black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. While this binary approach may occasionally serve us in decision-making or problem-solving, it frequently oversimplifies our intricate human experiences and realities. I'd like us to consider a healthier, more balanced approach: the both/and mindset.

The Both/And Mindset

This way of thinking is all about accepting that different, even contradictory, things can be true at the same time. It allows us to see and accept the messy, layered parts of life. It's like saying, yes life can be tough, but it can also be amazing, all at the same time.

The Downfalls of Either/Or Thinking

Either/or thinking is a one-way street. It boxes us into corners, makes us judge ourselves harshly, and can turn little problems into big ones.

Imagine you've had a challenging day at work. You made a mistake on an important project, but you also received praise for your communication skills in a tough meeting. The either/or mindset might lead you to label your day as 'bad' due to the mistake. However, the both/and approach allows you to recognize that your day was challenging but also rewarding, that you made a mistake but also succeeded.

By transitioning from the either/or mindset to the both/and mindset, we create space for growth, self-compassion, and resilience.

How to Think in Both/And

Now, let's look at how we can start thinking in both/and:

Embrace complexity

Understanding that life is inherently complex and nuanced is the first step. It’s important to remind yourself that people, emotions, and situations rarely fit neatly into binary categories.

Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion is fundamental in transitioning from an either/or mindset to a both/and mindset. This means accepting that you can be a work in progress and yet still be worthy and capable. Messing up doesn't mean you're a failure. It just means there's room to learn and grow.

Seek balance

Instead of choosing between success or failure, think about learning and growing. Remember, you can be strong and still have moments of vulnerability.

Question your thoughts

If you find yourself thinking in black and white, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself, "Is it possible for both of these things to be true?" or "Are there other perspectives I could consider?" Most of the time, you'll find there is.

Seek support

Changing a deeply ingrained mindset takes time and patience. If you need support, seek help from a mental health professional who can provide you with tools and strategies to navigate this journey effectively.

Conclusion

In the end, life's a crazy, messy, beautiful mix of experiences and feelings. Embracing a both/and mindset allows us to see and accept all of that. As we learn to let go of the rigid either/or thinking, we open ourselves up to a more forgiving, balanced way of living. And that's something we could all use a little more of, right?

Self Care - Redesigned

By Megan Allcock, AMFT

Self care is a term that has really taken off in the past few years. As the awareness of mental health began to increase, so did the idea of self care. Unfortunately, it has become capitalized on and therefore been reduced to this idea of face masks, candles, and bubble baths. Which are absolutely a PART of self care, but not the whole. Self care is a lifestyle not a “thing” to do. So let’s talk about nine different types of self care and how to incorporate them into your life.

Physical Self-Care is taking care of physical wellness and overall health. Some ways to practice self care for your body physically are getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, moving your body in ways that feel good, making and keeping doctor appointments, eating nutrient dense foods and getting enough fresh air/sunlight.

Emotional Self-Care is taking care of your emotions using empathy and self compassion. Ways to practice this would be journaling, therapy, emotional check ins with yourself, self compassion, releasing energy through music or art, asking for help when you need it and managing your stress.

Social Self-Care is a type of care that involves health family, friend and romantic relationships. It is important when fulfilling this type to spend time with safe people, create and maintain health boundaries, understand and follow through on your emotional battery (balancing alone time and social time depending on individual needs), and asking for support from safe people.

Spiritual Self-Care this care often involves religious beliefs, but is important to remember this involved any activity that nurtures your spirit, soul and allows you to think about something bigger than yourself. Examples include meditation, yoga, going to a place of worship, spending time in nature, prayer, reflecting, etc.

Personal Self-Care prioritizes doing things that honor what you enjoy, need and want. This can include enjoying hobbies, treating yourself (traditional self care of face masks, spa, candle, etc), trying something new, and spending time alone.

Home Environment Self-Care can be a bit of a challenge for some because this can often be out of your control, particularly for kids and teens. This type of self care involved maintaining a safe, functional and comfortable home space. This can look like having physical safety and stability, but also includes having a clean, comfy organized space in whatever form that applies to you.

Financial Self-Care is another challenging one because it often can be somewhat out of people’s control. This means maintaining financial goals and obligations. Self-care in this form often involves saving, researching budget information, paying bills, managing money and budgeting, and getting advice from financial experts (this can be personalized, but also through a podcast or internet source).

Intellectual Self-Care addresses the inner thinker and lifetime learner that exists in all of us. This type of care involves expanding your knowledge, mindset or reasoning. Some examples to foster this include reading, listening to podcasts, watching documentaries, or even researching into a specific topic that interests you.

It is not necessary to do all of these everyday because first, that’s unrealistic and second, you don’t usually need all nine in one day. There will be some moments you are craving intellectual self care, so lean into that. There will be seasons of life that need more of one kind of self care than the other, so again go with that by listening to your brain and body. All you can do is your best!

Sleep Anxiety Struggles

By Nicole Marino, AMFT

Falling asleep can sometimes seem like a battle, especially when anxiety starts to creep in and suddenly all of your worries are swirling around in your mind. It is truly hard to fall asleep, even if your body is tired, when your mind won’t rest. Everyone is different and there is not one magical tip that works for all, but by changing some routines and habits around nighttime, it may help improve overall relaxation and worry leading up to bedtime!

1. Try sleeping focused meditations: Meditation’s purpose is to bring you into the present moment, to ease your mind, and to focus on your breathing. There are so many different types of meditations to try, but looking up sleeping meditations (use of an app or just searching in YouTube) can be very useful when it comes to relaxing a busy mind. Body scan meditations are specifically helpful when it comes to this because you are guided through focusing on each individual part of your body and relaxing any tension in your body.

2. Write a list of everything you are worried about: Sometimes our anxiety feels like it holds so much power, but when you write out your concerns, you are taking the power back. Often times, listed out, our worries and fears don’t look as scary or overwhelming as we once thought.

3. Focus on the things within your control: Following that, focus on the worries or concerns that are within your control. Often times, anxiety focuses on things that are completely out of our control and we have no power altering. Let go of the things that we cannot change because it may never even happen. Your anxiety is not a fortune-teller of what is to come in the future. It is just our fears turned into anxious and negative thoughts. Also, it is important to focus on the things you can control right in that moment because I bet there are not a lot of things that you can do while you’re in bed trying to fall asleep.

4. Read: This is a very relaxing activity to do before bed and can keep your mind busy leading to tiredness.

5. Create a bedtime routine: Going off of reading, creating a nighttime routine focused on relaxation and non-stressful activities/tasks is very beneficial when it comes to easing sleep anxiety. Creating a routine of things you look forward to doing is a form of self-care. Whether that is doing your skincare routine, reading, stretching, journaling, showering, or meditating, the key is to focus on the tasks that are not going to cause additional worries or concerns, but the activities that are going to cultivate calm energy.

6. Avoid use of screens: If possible, not looking at your phone before bed is a healthy sleep time habit. When you look at your phone screen or TV, your brain is stimulated and “lights up” delaying when you start to feel sleepy.

7. Avoid harsh lighting: Similar to use of screens, turning on bright lights at night can wake you up and do the opposite of relaxing you. Studies show that red light therapy can help with both depression and anxiety. Because of this, switching your bedroom lights to red lightbulbs can help ease anxiety especially before bed.

8. A to Z technique: This technique is helpful once again to focus your mind on something low risk, fun, and calming. You can pick any topic or category you would like (sports, food, songs, shows, animals, etc.) and go A through Z naming one thing within the topic that starts with each letter of the alphabet. This is a fun twist on “counting sheep”!

9. Listen to calming music or relaxing noises: This can definitely be different for everyone, but listening to classical music, rain sounds, ocean sounds, or even just using a white noise machine can help your mind have something to focus on rather than what you have to do tomorrow.

As stated before, not everything listed is going to work for everyone because everyone is unique and different! The purpose of this is to give techniques and tricks to try out when it comes to combating sleep anxiety. It never hurts to try something new especially when it comes to taking power back from your anxiety at night! It is so important to be getting enough rest at night so don’t let your anxiety focus on the countdown till the morning, but focus on the present moment and what you can do to help destress and get to sleep quicker.

Healing Isn’t Linear

By Megan Allcock, AMFT

With the start of the new year I think there is often this pressure for people to reflect on what they did in the past year and how they want to be “better.” Now there isn’t anything inherently wrong with reflection and wanting to grow, in fact it’s a wonderful aspiration to have. I think sometimes though it doesn’t leave room for the idea that many things in life take more than a year to heal, process and move on from. And even when it is healed, there will always be difficult days or moments of struggle because healing isn’t a linear process.

Let's use asthma as a metaphor here. Typically, asthma is worse in the winter because the dry air can irritate the airways. Now in the summer someone’s asthma will still exist but perhaps isn’t as severe. Similarly, if someone with asthma is working out that could cause a flare up more than sitting on the couch. Now if we think about mental health this way, I think there is a lot more flexibility in the space and grace we can give ourselves to heal.

With trauma and mental health in general, there will be seasons of life where something is more triggering than other times in life. Let’s say for example someone has mostly processed a childhood trauma experience, but they get into a new relationship and their new partner does something that brings up feelings related to their initial trauma. There will be moments that people don’t feel fully healed anymore from that. It doesn’t undo all the work they’ve done, but it really drives home the point that healing isn’t linear. It is OKAY to have time periods that are more difficult than others. There are so many factors that contribute to having bad mental health, so next time you want to be mean to yourself practice reminding your brain that healing isn’t linear and bad days are all a part of the process.

Lets talk seasonal depression or seasonal affective disorder (SAD)

By Megan Allcock, AMFT

As the seasons change I think there is often a large range of mixed emotions. Excitement for the fall foliage, switching to cozy sweaters and candles, and those crisp mornings. Sadness for the loss of summer nights, perfect beach days and rooftop restaurants. Anxiety for what winter will bring - coldness and darkness. These are just a couple, among many more emotions that come up as we move into the colder months. While there is nothing that can be done about the weather changing, there are some tips and tricks that can be implemented to try and keep that seasonal depression or winter scaries away.

1. Bright light therapy - there are a lot of different options for this, but using artificial light can help your circadian rhythm stay regular. Using this for 20-30 minutes a day can help alleviate some of the symptoms of SAD.

2. Therapy - having someone to talk to during these difficult months can help alleviate some of the depressive symptoms you may experience.

3. Socialize regularly - the cold weather can make us not want to go out, so maybe plan to have a night in with some friends. Try planning something social at least once a week, even if it is just a facetime with a friend to catch up and hold yourself accountable.

4. Move your body - exercise has been shown to help alleviate symptoms of depression and improve mood overall. If you can’t exercise outside due to weather try joining a gym, borrowing a friend’s peloton, or even lifting some weights at home - there are a lot of free online classes available now.

5. Get enough vitamin D - this is something we get naturally from the sun in the Summer, but the winter months it is harder for our bodies to get enough of. Consider booking a trip somewhere tropical or talk to your doctor about adding a supplement to your daily routine. Either way, make sure you are getting enough!

Try to get ahead of the winter blues this year and make a plan for how to combat any symptoms you know you usually experience.